The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
