I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
