their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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