He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
