so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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