when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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