hell yes lets make some ravioli
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
