I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
