is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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