Got a toothbrush?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
