some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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