I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
