i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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