I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
