Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The uberlube is also flammable
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
