Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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