The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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