so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
