im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
