my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
