so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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