I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
