so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
