I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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