I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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