Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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