We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
