Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
