yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
