I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
ugly people sure do ruin things
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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