like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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