dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
