he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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