last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
