You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
