i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
