Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
