i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
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