I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
