If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
