Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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