Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
