I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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