I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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