A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
