I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
