If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
