At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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