If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
