The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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