Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
