I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
