this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
