Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
When are your genitals available?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
