Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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