Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
