I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
