It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
