what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
