ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
meet me or not, i'm out of control
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
So squirting runs in the family.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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