i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
