She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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