I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
