He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
