his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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