So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
