It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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