i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Randomize
