I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
