Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Less talking, more tequila
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
