I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
