Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
